SOUTH PHILLY/SOUTH JERSEY — Still asking the same questions about monogamy, marriage, loyalty, child rearing, father/motherhood, the nuclear family, and work v. “love.” Jenny Offill’s Dept. of Speculation (2014) charts a relationship from its inception to marriage to childbirth to infidelity. Read in sips over the past three weeks and recorded during my CSA delivery route in South Philly (till I ran outta gas), during my route in South Jersey (after getting more gas), and on the way to the dentist, on foot, the following morning. Sound quality turned out surprisingly decent.
1 hr. 40 min. / Listen on iTunes
Referenced quotes from Department of Speculation (2014) by Jenny Offill (4.10.19)
“Life equals structure plus activity” (6)
“My plan was to never get married. I was going to be an Art Monster instead. […] Nabokov didn’t even fold his own umbrella. Vera licked his stamps for him” (8).
“The reason to have a home is to keep certain people in an everyone else out. A home has a perimeter” — re nuclear family
“What did you do today, you’d say when you got home from work, and I’d try my best to craft an anecdote for you out of nothing” (25).
“…a theory of light. That all are born radiating light but that this light diminished slowly (if one was lucky) or abruptly (if one was not). The most charismatic people—the poets, the mystics, the explorers—were that way because they had somehow managed to keep a bit of this light that was meant to have dimmed” (30).
“Advice for wives circa 1896: The indiscriminate reading of novels is one of the most injurious habits to which a married woman can be subject” (49).
“What Simone Weil said: Attention without an object is a supreme form of prayer” (54).
“When God is a father he is said to be elsewhere. When God is a mother she is said to be everywhere” (66).
“…the state of mind that precedes a schizophrenic breakdown. It is accompanied by something known as the truth-taking stare” (67).
“What Wittgenstein said: What you say, you say in a body; you can say nothing outside of this body” (78).
“I lie in our bed and listen to the hum of the air conditioner and the soft sound of their breathing. Amazing. Out of dark waters, this” (78).
“[My sister]’s moving to England. That bastard husband of hers” (81).
“What T. S. Eliot said: When all is said and done the writer may realize that he has wasted his youth and wrecked his health for nothing” (91).
“The wives have requirements too, of course. What they require is this: unswerving obedience. Loyalty unto death” (93).
“Most mammals don’t raise their offspring together, but humans do” (99).
“In many tribal cultures children are considered self-sufficient at or near the age of six. […] Researchers say that many men have affairs around the time their oldest child turns six” (100).
“Both [husband and wife] have trouble working up the nerve to go into the Little Theater of Hurt Feelings” (104).
“Other theories she’d had about the husband’s gloominess:
“He no longer has a piano.
“He no longer has a garden.
“He no longer is young” (107).
“The ex-boyfriend starts sending her music. […] He wants to make amends, she remembers” (108).
“ ‘I’m sorry I let you get so lonely,’ she told him later. ‘Stop apologizing,’ he said” (109).
“Sleep is a thing Lia won’t do. She never sleeps unless they drug her. But she never rings the call button in the middle of the night either. ‘I just wait for first light,’ she said. ‘I watch the window’” (118).
“…she feels something she’s never felt before surge through her body, […] kicking a newspaper machine, screaming, ‘You fucked a child! She’s a fucking child!’” (130).
“Hahahahahahahayoustupidcunthahahahaha” (134).
Civilization and Its Discontents. “…she keeps getting lost in the index.
“Analogies
“bare leg on a cold night, 40
“cautious businessman, 34
“guest who becomes a permanent lodger, 53
“Polar expedition, ill equipped, 98” (135).
** “Imaging studies have found that the pain involved in romantic breakups is not just emotional. Similar areas to the ones that process physical assault light up in the brains of the recently jilted” (135).
** “The Buddha left his wife when his son was two days old. He would never have attained enlightenment if he’d stayed, scholars say” (138).
The philosopher. “They are sitting cross-legged on the floor like they used to in their dorm rooms. ‘I think I was afraid to go all in,’ she says. ‘Because all in is terrifying. With all in, you lose everything.’ He nods and suddenly they are both crying a little” (143).
“Their mother died when they were young. Their father was elsewhere” (144).
“What Ann Druyan said: Compressed into a minute-long segment, the brain waves of a woman newly in love sound like string of firecrackers exploding” (145).
“What Rilke said: I want to be with those who know secret things or else alone” (148).
“The air feels electrified. She keeps wanting to ask if he can feel it too or if it is just some kind of weather in her head” (149).
“She makes notes to herself about the book she is writing. Too many crying scenes” (170).
** “What Rilke said: Surely all art is the result of one’s having been in danger, of having gone through an experience all the way to the end, to where no one can go any further” (171).
“In the morning, the wife lets the dog out: Hey a squirrel! Hey a tree! Hey a piece of shit! Hey! Hey! Hey!” (172).
Essay slipped by husband into her pile of papers to grade. “She goes outside to read it to the husband. ‘I wrote that,’ he says. ‘I slipped it into your papers to see if you would notice’” (176).
Book ends (177) at the bottom of the page.
“Life equals structure plus activity” (6)
“My plan was to never get married. I was going to be an Art Monster instead. […] Nabokov didn’t even fold his own umbrella. Vera licked his stamps for him” (8).
“The reason to have a home is to keep certain people in an everyone else out. A home has a perimeter” — re nuclear family
“What did you do today, you’d say when you got home from work, and I’d try my best to craft an anecdote for you out of nothing” (25).
“…a theory of light. That all are born radiating light but that this light diminished slowly (if one was lucky) or abruptly (if one was not). The most charismatic people—the poets, the mystics, the explorers—were that way because they had somehow managed to keep a bit of this light that was meant to have dimmed” (30).
“Advice for wives circa 1896: The indiscriminate reading of novels is one of the most injurious habits to which a married woman can be subject” (49).
“What Simone Weil said: Attention without an object is a supreme form of prayer” (54).
“When God is a father he is said to be elsewhere. When God is a mother she is said to be everywhere” (66).
“…the state of mind that precedes a schizophrenic breakdown. It is accompanied by something known as the truth-taking stare” (67).
“What Wittgenstein said: What you say, you say in a body; you can say nothing outside of this body” (78).
“I lie in our bed and listen to the hum of the air conditioner and the soft sound of their breathing. Amazing. Out of dark waters, this” (78).
“[My sister]’s moving to England. That bastard husband of hers” (81).
“What T. S. Eliot said: When all is said and done the writer may realize that he has wasted his youth and wrecked his health for nothing” (91).
“The wives have requirements too, of course. What they require is this: unswerving obedience. Loyalty unto death” (93).
“Most mammals don’t raise their offspring together, but humans do” (99).
“In many tribal cultures children are considered self-sufficient at or near the age of six. […] Researchers say that many men have affairs around the time their oldest child turns six” (100).
“Both [husband and wife] have trouble working up the nerve to go into the Little Theater of Hurt Feelings” (104).
“Other theories she’d had about the husband’s gloominess:
“He no longer has a piano.
“He no longer has a garden.
“He no longer is young” (107).
“The ex-boyfriend starts sending her music. […] He wants to make amends, she remembers” (108).
“ ‘I’m sorry I let you get so lonely,’ she told him later. ‘Stop apologizing,’ he said” (109).
“Sleep is a thing Lia won’t do. She never sleeps unless they drug her. But she never rings the call button in the middle of the night either. ‘I just wait for first light,’ she said. ‘I watch the window’” (118).
“…she feels something she’s never felt before surge through her body, […] kicking a newspaper machine, screaming, ‘You fucked a child! She’s a fucking child!’” (130).
“Hahahahahahahayoustupidcunthahahahaha” (134).
Civilization and Its Discontents. “…she keeps getting lost in the index.
“Analogies
“bare leg on a cold night, 40
“cautious businessman, 34
“guest who becomes a permanent lodger, 53
“Polar expedition, ill equipped, 98” (135).
** “Imaging studies have found that the pain involved in romantic breakups is not just emotional. Similar areas to the ones that process physical assault light up in the brains of the recently jilted” (135).
** “The Buddha left his wife when his son was two days old. He would never have attained enlightenment if he’d stayed, scholars say” (138).
The philosopher. “They are sitting cross-legged on the floor like they used to in their dorm rooms. ‘I think I was afraid to go all in,’ she says. ‘Because all in is terrifying. With all in, you lose everything.’ He nods and suddenly they are both crying a little” (143).
“Their mother died when they were young. Their father was elsewhere” (144).
“What Ann Druyan said: Compressed into a minute-long segment, the brain waves of a woman newly in love sound like string of firecrackers exploding” (145).
“What Rilke said: I want to be with those who know secret things or else alone” (148).
“The air feels electrified. She keeps wanting to ask if he can feel it too or if it is just some kind of weather in her head” (149).
“She makes notes to herself about the book she is writing. Too many crying scenes” (170).
** “What Rilke said: Surely all art is the result of one’s having been in danger, of having gone through an experience all the way to the end, to where no one can go any further” (171).
“In the morning, the wife lets the dog out: Hey a squirrel! Hey a tree! Hey a piece of shit! Hey! Hey! Hey!” (172).
Essay slipped by husband into her pile of papers to grade. “She goes outside to read it to the husband. ‘I wrote that,’ he says. ‘I slipped it into your papers to see if you would notice’” (176).
Book ends (177) at the bottom of the page.
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